The year is off to a slow start - but not to be fazed.

Jan 1st - I tried to purge my room and made a couple of phone calls.  I like actual voices versus texting.  Note to self:  call people more.  Even just to say Hi.

Jan 2nd - The day is still young.  A birthday lunch at a Thai place with a good friend (I've been wanting to go there for a couple of years now) and a hour on the beach by myself.  I never go to the beach.  It just has not been my scene, but I may never live in this close of a proximaty again.  So I simply sat and looked over my monlogues, read a bit, and hoped to God that the seagulls wouldn't poop on me.

Texas in less than a week.  Augh!!!  I'm not ready now but I'll get ready. 

The end of the old and the start of the new

Today is December 31, 2009.  Mere hours away from a new year, new month, and a new decade.  The 2000s were a tough one.

Out with the old and on to the new. 

Tomorrow I'll be back with my moment.  Whatever that turns out to be.  I want to look back on this new period and saying nothing more but, "Wow, that was amazing.  I never knew how incredible things could be."

I am not looking for miraculous things to happen.  I am looking to be fulfilled.  How ever that happens.  I want a story to tell.  A life to live.

A wonderful New Year to everyone.  Who ever you are that happens to come across here.  I hope I can be a blessing to you.

The L word... part 2

First let me say, it was not my intention to sound like a downer in the last post.  Quite the contrary - it was a light at the end of the tunnel happy moment.  I guess my whole brain to finger communication is on the fritz again.  Such as the case, my full thoughts did not come out and the piece you read looks very depressing.

Moving on....

I was inspired about a status that I saw on-line.  A person trying to pick their phrase for the new year.  I usually don't think about new year resolutions or attempt them, but this status caught my attention and got me thinking.  Not only is this a new year, but it's also a new decade.  That's as good as a time as any... even better.

Choppy thoughts?  Yes, but just stay with me here.

Going through I Corinthians, my pastor has been discussing love quite a bit.  What does it mean?  What does it look like?  Actions, attitudes, and so on.  We have also been discussing spiritual gifts - using them, attributes, etc.

Still no connection?  I may not have one but I will get on to the whole new year focus.

I want this year that is coming in a few short weeks to be new, exciting, and fresh.  I don't like looking back on a year and seeing little to no action.  Action isn't the word I want.  Growth is.  And love.

So here is where my thoughts headed to when all this - the status update, the new year, and the focus on love and spiritual gifts - combined.  What can I do in my day to day like that will be new, different, and exciting?  How can I nurtue love and reach out and love others like Jesus is asking me to?  How can I grow in my relationship with Christ?  And how can I make sure I have a super year to look back on?

Things to be planned and thought about and discovered.  Connections to rekindle.  Stuff to try.  Maybe I'll even blog about what I am doing every single day.  Why not?  I should be accountable to someone, should I not?

I'll think about the list and get back to you.  I can tell you this - I am aiming for a daily action.  I at first thought monthly or even weekly but then *BAM* <--- (that was the thought hitting me) why just weekly?  That's not enough.  Love should be a every moment thing. 

Every day

Every moment

Every chance

Maybe "every chance" will be my theme for the year. 

................................. to be continued........................

The L word...

Aaahhh.... the pits of self-depression.... self-worth.... whatever you want to call it.  I tend to wallow a lot in those places. 

This time of year never helps because of three special occasions:  Christmas, my Birthday, and New Year's.  All of those should be happy times.  Celebrations.  Joy.  Not focused on me... and yet there I am, looking at myself in the mirror with sad eyes and wondering why can't the world see me.  Throw in the fact that I will be 30 this year, and we have just opened the noise makers at the pity party.

Step in Jesus.  He is the one whom I should see in the mirror.  Not myself.  He gave me that gentle reminder both yesterday and today.  I struggle in those pits:  I'm worthless.  I can't do anything.  Nobody loves me.  I'm going to just sit here and rot on all three days.  Why not?  Who is even going to be there and see me and care? 

Jesus will. 

I should throw that mirror away so I stop looking at myself and start looking at Jesus.  He is my will.  He is my purpose and He is my love.  He'll wish me a Happy 30th Birthday and remind me of how wonderful life really is.  And He show me the lonely couple in Bethlehem who did what they were asked and brought the world the most perfect gift it will ever receive.  There was a couple who had worries.  I have never given birth, but I certainly would not be excited at the thought of traveling hundreds of miles, into the unknown, ready to give birth any moment.  That takes sheer strength and dedication.  The acted on faith and the commitment of love.

Commitment of love.  What a beautiful thing.  I hope I can learn, truely learn, the commitment of love.